:-). I explained that if a long distance relationship is going to work, then we need to sort through problems when they come up, and I can't support myself and him at the same time. Just like this girl, I do love him and he loves me but this isnt a small issue. BUT his father and sister dont like me, and my boyfriend doesnt stand up for me. I think his scared from his own family to stand up for his family we have I dont know what to do ? Your better off with a man who is the same culture as you, a boyfriend who will stand up for you. You should stand up for your partner (or wanna-be partner), right? I never did anything to her to hate me and i dont know wat to do. Was it wrong for me to give up on him? I tried coaxing him out of one of these silences originally because I was honestly worried about himand that stage at the very beginning of the relationship where everything is wonderful about the person, even their faults, made me sympathise with him - not find it annoying. He wants to live in a different country from what I want. He doesn't even try to. Its been 4 years since weve been together. First of all, allow me to do it like in Kirghistan and answer your question with another question or, to be more precise, with a series of questions: WHO ARE YOU? IM the bad guy even though when we argue about it, he says that i am getting the wrong end of the stick with what hes saying. so i took it into my own hands and just distanced myself. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By He is truly mistaken and as a mature person should have gotten to know you instead of being manipulated. And yes I was in love with him. Started Friday at 03:52 AM, By By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Or maybe the break will do him good but I highly doubt that, especially as you've talked about his depression and everything. I have to say though, he does a good job of getting you to make all the effort. If we get into an argument (which is rare, because it doesn't progress so far as him replying), he'll just agree with me. Im the outcast. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. My friends have told me not to care about what his sister thinks of me but I am afraid that this could possibly never rectifying itself. The only risk here is him interpreting it like an attempt of yours to change him and then taking his efforts to comply to your wishes way to seriously(while simultaneously begrudging you for asking it of him). His mom alway call him to go visit her dont get me wrong it ok but all the time tho ??? He has a I definitely tainted family, who may very well be dangerous, psychotic and, controlling, passive aggressive and really vindictive. I dont give advice, but its important to remember that you cant change who your boyfriend is. Started February 5, By 12. I have been around my boyfriend a lot longer than this guy. I would really like some advice on what to do or how to speak to him about these problems. I am sometimes also a little prone to depression and, when I was down, he did nothing but depress me even more. Leave him.but thats easier said than done. Both mom and sister came to my home trying to take him from me but he stayed with me i was so proud he didnt let them control him. In the end, they will do what they feel regardless. Are You Trapped in a Toxic Relationship? It can be hard for someone to stand up against their parents, especially if they've never set any boundaries with their family.". He's a lovely guy, and when there aren't problems, everything is great. You might say something like, I feel unappreciated, worthless, defeated, and worried for our relationship when your sister/mother/friend treats me like that. This tends to mean that they actually want their husbands to confront the offending family members. Anyways after lots of tries they finally got him to go. I wish you happiness and good health and a wealthy love life full of all the endless positive possibilities for your sake! 2-As stated by . Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to stop them, he's as much at fault as they are. And, Im sure the poor guy has to deal with all the drama and deceit about his own family (over money) EW!!! Its critical for women to be able to stand up for themselves regardless of how protective or loving their boyfriends are. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Ive told him several times that it hurts me that we cant do things as a normal couple, he always has to hide the fact that hes with me and it really causes me a lot of pain in the relationship. The remainder of his family has accepted us as a couple without any issues. Definitions of different types of love, for couples and singles. Be honest with yourself. If not, then you get to decide if that's good enough for you. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. "Then add, 'I happen to have a different opinion, but that does not discount what you are feeling and the value your feelings have.'". Ideally I'd have a boyfriend who is also a bit protective but my boyfriend tends to not to be at all. He said it's a phase of mineit went on for 1.5 years. also hes a hypocrite he yells at me for going to a guys house when I lived with him for a year with my family so hes like a brother to me but then I found out during my spring break he was at a girls house drinking and smoking and yelled at me when I went to the guys house bu he went to her house before I went to his and I didnt even know he was there what should I do???? Their relationships are established, and extremely difficult to change. Are you my soulmate? One thing that keeps going through my mind is something my boyfriend told me over a year ago about how his son needed to be on board with us before we can move forward. Signs your relationship is over, plus help deciding how to move on after a breakup. I met a guy over three years ago that my ex alcoholic friend was trying to set me up with a looser guy. You cant change your boyfriend, but you can change how you respond when he doesnt stand up for you. Be clear how you what you want your boyfriend to stand up for you. She only cares about herself and her dogs. A week ago we got into to a fight while he was at work and he was talking to one of his friends about me and how I was making him mad and stuff. When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as theyve been alive. That is exactly what we should do when our boyfriends dont stand up for us. And today, I snapped - and that's exactly what I said to him. That is the stage at which it is simplest to just get out of a relationship, no harm, no foul and just maybe you will meet someone who does want the same things. That I dont see him enough. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. So what happens when your partner doesnt defend you? Dating advice for women and men, plus tips for love relationships. is that what u call the man of your dreams? The kissing a girl at a party was annot so fun incident. By staying silent, he backstabbsd you. Give him a few seconds to respond. To be more precise, it's convenient for him to keep you around. When you are ready to talk to me again, give me a call. Don't you have a girlfriend?". How do I know, bad breakup. He wants to be a chef and currently works 2 jobs (this whole spring break Ive seen him twice) I get upset and angry. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? Hanalei Vierra, Ph.D., LMFT, marriage and family therapist, This article was originally published on November 15, 2018, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, When Having An Affair Is An Act Of Self-Care. Im not steering you away or trying to talk you out of being with this guy But the big red flags are flyn EVERYWHERE. He said "I will forgive you if you are sorry". Hes everything you can ask for in a guy. I just want to marry the man of my dreams without being put down and talked to like I am a piece of scum under the most disgusting pair of shoes. What can I say/do that could help the situation?. He's the kind of guy whose answer to "What do you want to do tonight/where do you want to have dinner/what film shall we put on" is always, "I don't mind, you decide.". "It should be said that being romantically involved with someone doesn't always mean that you take their side," Graber says. Its really hard to break up with someone you love (or even like a lot). Me and my boyfriend has been together a little over a year and weve been through everything together. Hopefully he'll understand and try to change and not apply any silence treatment anymore when he has a delicate thing to say, if you talk about it properly, like two adults(he is 18, right? And the worst part was that I was always in a bad mood because of him(I don't know if you've also reached this state yet). Amica Graber, relationship expert for the background-checking site TruthFinder. 1-Hes scared and will live the rest of his life in fear controlled by his parents. It wasn't until he looked through my cell phone that he accepted it. Advise him by asking how he would want to be treated if he had made himself that vulnerable to this friend. you are so right. Its especially painful when you have a son together. In any relationship, there will be moments when you disagree with your partner, or someone close to them, such as a friend or family member. "If someone can't support you during an external conflict, they probably aren't going to support you in any other areas of your future, such as your career or having a family, Graber adds. I think nobody is as bad as this. And, try these tips for coping with a boyfriend who chooses his family or friends over you. I agree that it is easier said than done to change relationships and behavior, but sometimes its worth the effort. And he does not stand up for you, not even thn. Plus the loss of my father last year isnt making anything any easier. "Life will always throw challenges at you, and being able to manage the small ones will help prepare you for the big ones. I don't know if he realises that he's doing it; it doesn't come accross as intentional when he switches the focus back to him - but obviously, it has the same effect. Your ex sounds amazingly neurotic, even if he brings up Nietzsche in everyday conversation. A-WAAY! Elle Woods approaches the judges bench to replace Professor Callahan, who refuses to step aside in Brooke Windhams case. Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. Are they good buddies? He says he feels rude and awkward refusing to buy their crap. Love is blinding and allows you to make stupid decisions. About me. The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. My boyfriend will not stand up for me and I am trying to decide if he's in the wrong or not. and with wonderful timing, as always in life, an ex-boyfriend has just got in touch with me again to see how things are going, and to tell me that he's living around my university area again, so it'd be good to catch up. Started February 13, By so my boyfriend wont stand up for me when his friends talk bad about me what should I do? Relationships have two people in them, and when I ring him to talk with him, it's intended to be just that: talking WITH him, not talking at him. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. She should tell him what s bothering her. Why does he do it to me but not her? I have been married to a Muslim man for 10 years, and my sister is as well. At this point I would rather live in my car, I cant take this anymore. 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