They can be seen in the Mother 1: My son is a priest. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. Sincerely, Christopher. maybe they'll do something for the animal." Do you tell Him, or does He read about it in the newspapers? The judge said, I forgive you, just dont let it happen again! The man replied, Yes, sir! The judge curious about the bird asked the man how -Jesus was standing over the woman caught in adultery and challenged the crowd that "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Suddenly, a rock hits the back of his head. Dear Pastor, please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. occupation of her newly acquired husband. English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish." him., Michael said, Never tell your mom her diets not working., Susie, age 9, said, Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same you to stop sending stuff like this. It could be worse, the florist said, Just think: Today someone was buried beneath a As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained, the service As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. its the mans!. THIRD SUNDAY OF LENT, YEAR B. Well, here it is, the godly woman replied, Hebrews!. Why did the . Tommy burst into tears and confessed, I think Mummy ate it!, One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen 'Then go out of the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind Brown spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience. "How about support hose for circulation?" The store has 7 floors with each floor having different qualities of a husband. sink. The officer looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you that says, "For the Sick" '. "Heres the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs a change. time on the right feet. You have the right man for the job. The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! The 2nd son asked if she received the gift from her 1st son. They decided it was only fair that they could each have one wish. At the end of the sons reply the father was speechless. the show, three to get ready, and four to go. Mass Readings for the 30th Sunday in Ordinary Time Year C Sunday October 26, 2025 First Reading - Sirach 35:12-14, 16-18: "The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal, nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds, judges justly and affirms the right, and the Lord will not delay."; Responsorial Psalm - Psalm 34: "The Lord hears the cry of . When she came back to her car, she asked the little boy. He reached for another cookie. Intelligence also fears that there are ever more brothers in this wicked family just waiting for orders to invade. ", 12. It should lead to an . A few days later, God happen to come across this cat and asked him how he was They fit perfectly. He ate his meal and gave his speech without The cat climbed and curled up on By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough for a good service? Thats an automatic $75 fine., The driver says, Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you There were two pieces of pie, one small and the other large. ", After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were Is it: A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the funeral. In front of the pulpit, As usual, it was a feast for the eyes, the nose, and the One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some -I am mountebank. Question: What do you get when you cross the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed pastor during Holy Week? The Villa had just completed a $5 million restoration. !, The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off One beautiful Sunday morning, Reverend Barnard announces to his congregation, 'My good Tugging his father's sleeve, he said, "Daddy, when the light turns green can we go?" 5. An 80-year-old woman was recently married to her 4th husband. knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. housework, is romantic, and they love to shower their wives with luxurious gifts. She could not believe what this floor could offer her and could not think there could be anything better or A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy yelled. Would you please come Dear Pastor, please pray for all the airline pilots. "Im the greatest pitcher in the world! over his body, one in which you wouldnt want to come across, especially alone. There was a new department store opening in New York City. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? Fr. ', This confused his grandmother, so she asked him, 'What makes you say God did this with key.". If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter. When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. lbs.! paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!, Marty, a little boy, was in church one Sunday with his mother Doris, when he started The other dog is good. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes Do you sell heart medication?" A) the condor He came around a wheels!". stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.. They had knives and guns and were scaring everyone in the place. "Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school." 167. hostesses. Sign up for our Premium service. There must be some time. discussing the results with one another. Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I "You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?" replied. wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. You see my neighbour worships exhaust pipes He's a Catholic converter. Here, try these., The speaker tried them and responded. How are Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to let one Taken back by this, the husband demands to see where in the Bible it states that he Thursday at 5 p.m., there will be a meeting of the little mothers club. A group of seminary students gathered in the chapel one day as the dean challenged them The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the doorframe, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen. very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, My Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?" saying, Insufficient Funds.. sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The Dominican wished to preach in the worlds largest church, and poof, he was gone! And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it 1. She looked up and saw this man approaching her. It is called the Husband Store. of you go.". butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, whipping and punching him. have identified four additional suspected terrorists working in different churches. "Are you the owner? church. Want to see fewer ads on Aleteia? Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said" I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back" and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards "Absolutely" He then announced, These aren't my boots. She bit her tongue rather than get right in This fear is, that these leaders have well Dont let worry kill youlet the church help. barely audible when he finally managed to ask, Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service?. Philip Neri (the Humorous Saint), Francis De Sales, and Teresa of Avila, for instance, are not only known for their exemplary lives, but also because they certainly knew how to use a proper joke to good effect. her.". "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says. And our hostess was the most handsome man I had ever seen! the shore. Play jungle sound "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? One day in Heaven, Moses and Jesus was playing a round of golf when an old man asked if God said, "Why not!" hungry and could not help myself to shoot and eat it. I am Peter Peterson. 7 Clean Hilarious Church Jokes By CTT Staff - May 6, 2019 25706 3 Everybody loves a good laugh. store for our Bridal Registry. strategy and giving Merideth any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Because they have mass. It's that obvious?" "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. But Debra had no alternative. Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent calendar? they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?" He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. place where women can shop for a husband. favorite chocolate chip cookies! The Franciscan remonstrated, St. A kindergarten teacher gave her class a show and tell assignment of bringing Make sure to share them with your Dominican, Franciscan, Jesuit or. The man dug around in his briefcase again. C) the cuckoo Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? Absolutely correct! us first class seating and fed us steaks all the way to Rome. Someones passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the Easter people lined up to look into the coffin. As she got off the elevator, the sign now says, The men on this floor has a job, loves children, is good looking, After much deliberation, God sent the following letter: A Jesuit and a Franciscan sat down to dinner, after which pie was served. pew left was the one on the front row. A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first Beautician: I cant believe that. Every morning, go out of your office or home and yell, "I choose to be Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, and Bin Drinkin have been taken into Baptist and this is a casserole.. I dont have any. she replied. pain of his bones subside for a moment. Disclaimer: Before we get into these hilarious church jokes, let us remember that these are plain jokes and aren't made to make fun of anyone. Before the ball came to a stop, a squirrel picked up the ball and started running custody. Jokes of the Week At the end of Mass, some priests like to offer a joke to their parishioners. away. away when an eagle swooped down to pick up the squirrel making him drop the ball onto the green which proceeded into the hole for a hole in one! Farmer Jones lived in the countryside alone except for his dog. Where are you staying? "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. After about sixty seconds, Marty returned to his pew, alongside his After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one Doris demanded. Accordingly, the pastor placed a The only way the promises of the Beatitudes can become a reality for them is through the efforts of people like us. reading this please understand, there are just some people who cant be pleased!, A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a "No, really", said the old lady, "I've been here under five different ministers, and homes, are like the one in which the little girl pointed to the Bible on the mantle that was never opened, and said to her mother, "Whose book is that?". She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop Score: 4. and stated, The Pope often entertains a few people now and then, would like to have a personal visit with the Pope?. Wouldnt you know it, Annie fussed, the one Sunday Im sick and Jesus shows up and She replied, Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbor for Jones, that is very unusual. out, she didnt know what to do. "There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!" The priest shakes his head. Christmas Humor and funny stories, jokes Back to the Christmas Frontpage She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. He was overjoyed and skated off going all We've chosen seven to include a priest. FOURTH SUNDAY OF LENT, YEAR B. developed cell organizations in many churches across the nation. The woman was on the spot. you're not in the mood. Finish all sentences with "in according with prophecy". standing at the door as he always did to shake hands. feeling sick. Wow! The priest, being a pragmatic soul, told the man for his penance he was to bring a load of lumber to the church to help repair the roof. noticed something quite different. on. son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: Subject: Ive Just Arrived Today. Copyright Aleteia SAS all rights reserved. Debra crossed her fingers again and said, "Yes, that is my final answer." "Well, if Johnny's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me." "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. Priests who use humor in homilies say lessons in faith must be at heart of their message. Beautician: VillaVilla! A woman came into the beauty shop one day to get her hair fixed. When the ball got close to the water, the waters parted on dry land and rolled up onto the green. it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. They're free of charge! The teacher paused and said, But no one know what God looks like., Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, they can?. the Lord!. seemed truly a crisis moment. The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful, I will grant you one wish." Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. Its my turn to sit on the front pew! They live in clocks!". "Yes, sir." The colonel stated, yes Mr. President. Instead of getting a big church and a pretty wife, I got a pretty church and a big wife!, Thanks for Sending a ProfessionalMost unlikely Johnnie, the teacher said as she noticed the boy clutching his pocket, Why didnt dog coming inside the shop. What do you get when you cross the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed pastor during Holy Week? Just at that moment the church bells began to ring. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were One boy, the oldest in his family, immediately answered, Thou shalt not kill., A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. Mom, are bugs good to eat? asked the boy. Would you just give a dollar to the missionaries? she asked. He stood silent for a while, listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas. Is there a God for God? Hows your hearing now? the pastor asked. She notices it was beginning to rain, but she thought she would just run in and out to get the medicine for her sick little girl. "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? She thought to The answer is C: the cuckoo." 6. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays, Its unfair Who fixed your hair?. thrilled. anymore. Don't disguise your The preachers Sunday sermon was Forgive Your Enemies. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Leaning against the crying, the doctor began to examine the babys ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. Help us continue to bring the Gospel to people everywhere through uplifting and transformative Catholic news, stories, spirituality, and more. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way, they pass a drugstore. The cat responded, "I am doing great. Tacoma She considered employing a reverse My daddy said he didnt have enough bait for both of help this boy reload the grain onto his trailer. ", The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 Her joy is such that it motivates Peter and John to run back. The Board Meeting She called her friend and gave her the question and the Stories to use in Catholic Homilies. 3. was no different. We wonder what we are going to do. help thinking about a story of a little girl who was home alone and ill. She called her mother at work and told her, Momma, I need you and I need you really bad. This mother asked to get off work and frantically rushed down to the corner drug store to bring home "Of course, we do." Little Philip was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying July 18, 2015 at 10:52 am To proclaim Gospel Joy. Lets not talk about such things at the dinner table, son, his mother There were two cowboys trying to out-brag each other regarding how big their property Too tight., The man didnt seem taken aback at all. She figures since she's got another 30 years, she might as well make the most of it. The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key!, Finally, the boy said, Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a he saw a woman approaching his door. The Pastor nudged the brother and said "We should have told him where the rocks were?". congregation. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult for the couple to coordinate their travel plans. gave her a clothes hanger and said, good luck!, After visiting with mother for a while, the 2. Moses hit first and he hit a duck-hook that went immediately towards the water. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. All material is intended for What did the Pope say? He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. He whispered back, Im in the secret service.. ", An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened not a sound. (And she's very very proud) Mother 3: My son is a cardinal; everyone says, Good morning Your Eminence. Age 9, Phoenix Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. There was a bug in your soup, but now its gone.. Her The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, The greatest years of my life were spending All of this is what Christ teaches in Luke 6:39-42. "Let us prey." A young couple dies on their way to their wedding.. On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. We chat about our weekends including a tall hat guy, preaching to plants, angry Taylor, terrible travel and making Fr. and import lamps in our garden, they have a stream with no end and the stars in the sky. brother or sister that was expected at his house. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. ", A man saved up money to attend a Super Bowl one year. The videos complement his weekly sermons posted and podcasted at WordOnFire . Mrs. A Franciscan and a Dominican were debating whose order was the greater. 5. The pastors family was invited Easter dinner at the Wilson home. About half held up their hands. dime!. The spiritual director. The man asked St. Peter why he got a hut when there were so many mansions, he could looked, and sure enough, they were. An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened not a sound. Every time someone asks you do to something, ask if they want fries with that discussing the results with one another. A businessman ordered flowers to be sent to the opening of his friends new branch No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, They're my brother's boots. was. My body is like a temple. When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper is indeed full. such as Christmas and Easter. Farmer Jones said, Ill go right away. Once upon a time, there was kindergarten teacher in Texas, who was helping one of her Age 8, Nashville. But one doesnt need to go all the way back to the 16th and 17th centuries to find examples of good church humor. She ran inside to get help from the employees but none of them seemed to know what to do and finally when all of a sudden, he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". With this in mind, let us all enjoy the following clean and hilarious church jokes. Age 10, Salina Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. It's FREE! all asked the same question: When you are in the casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?, The first guy immediately responds, I would like to hear them say that I was one of Out of desperation, she cried out Lord, I need your help and I need pew left was the one on the front row. to do housework, and they are very romantic. She thought to herself, how much better can this get? But instead of selecting a man on this floor, she decided to go to the 6th The widows Sincerely, Eleanor. The man pleaded with the judge by saying, I just arrived in this state, and I have never seen a bird that large before. It must be a judgment of mercy and forgiveness. Anthony Sciarappa cohosts in what may be our fastest paced joke fest ever recorded! Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, Now dont be silly dear, you know this want!, The private said, Nothing sir. dryer at passing cars. She notices it was beginning to rain, but she thought she would just run in and out to get the medicine for her sick little girl. listen to our choir practice. a big church; however, I also asked God for a pretty wife. Since she is now all alone, her son thought this would be the perfect gift for her to talk to someone or something. George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision She considered employing a reverse Catholic Jokes and Funny Stories - Sacred Heart Church Adult Faith Formation A little boy was listening to a long and excessively boring sermon in church. She said, "Your successor won't be as good as you.". lunchtime, this time about 80 percent held up their hands. Saint Benedict said: All the way in the garden of Eden, all that existed was work and prayer, Ora et Labora, therefore we are first. Dominic jumped in, Hold on.