dirty medical jokesdirty medical jokes

What do you give a sick lemon? When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!

Because he was speeding to save a life! Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Im at Rex Hospital. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what youre made of and laugh along! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. Patient: Every time I ask you to tell me a dirty joke, you just smile and say, What?. The first guy says, Ive suffered from back pain for years. But those came back negative. He's all right now. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." ", When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn sons circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic. Where do horses go when they're sick? Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. Dr. Young: "Aaagh!

You know, the heart is the hungriest organ. Well, said the teacher, The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. Patient: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?. Id never had surgery, and I was nervous.

Enema: Not a friend I see youve lost weight, he said. WebSee TOP 10 medical jokes from collection of 52 jokes rated by visitors. WebJokes about medical procedures 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Conjunctivitis.com thats a site for sore eyes. Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy! My friend is a Botox junkieshe cant stop getting the injections. What will happen to her?" A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with After giving birth, I quit my job. The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. A bit weird I know but shows his heart is in the right place. WebDirty Medical Pick Up Lines You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. What sickness does a martial artist have?

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77. Prior to his biopsy, a patient confessed to a fellow nurse just how nervous he was. 87. Have you seen all jokes? Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? The student answered, Im looking for the other one.. "Dont worry," the nurse assured him. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. I wasnt close to my father when he died. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? 3.Why did the man go to the ENT doctor?

For more laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these bone puns that are very 'humerus'.

A friend of mine made so many rash decisions that he became a dermatologist. He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. The beekeeper went to the doctor because she had hives.

Returning visitor? "But here's what to do. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes.

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. ", A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. 36. "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." But that is why we like um! Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral? If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. She nonetheless is not speaking to me. They can see right through you. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. WebThorax: A Dr. Seuss character.

Because he was invited! You wouldnt want to really offend someone! Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. She was really itching to get out of here.

You must be clozapine because you make me drool Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams.

she yelled. I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess. Some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but the punchlines will always deliver! "What does that mean?" It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. But surprisingly, when I reminded her to get her flu shot, she shuddered. WebMedical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything A: Camembert! 'You're liver-ly!'. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! ", At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. These medicine jokes make any pill that much easier to swallow! The reason Im here A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. His cardiologist just died.. The frog went to the hospital to have a hop-eration! He starts coffin. Danielle was born and raised in London but has travelled all over the world chasing waves. I have a patient who is very rude.

"Why does he keep doing that?" Thats it! he says.

Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. So, if you want to tell some hilarious medical puns or even teach medical puns to your kids check out this article. The guy who stole my diary just died. Never lie to an X-ray technician. Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. Legs are hereditary. Avoid heavy lifting. Do you know who I am? 85. WebDeric Lostutter Is An Internet Panhandler. Nik , meet Deric Lostutter of Winston Salem NC. Brie! You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled! A: A urologist! The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". "My work is so exciting," I said. These puns and jokes for kids with medical themes can make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit rubbish. 44.

They had a happy new yearif you know what I mean! 25. It was a urine sample. Danielle is always looking for new and fun activities to do with her relatives. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. Its ok if youre not the winner as long as you did your best. A doctor told his patient, Theres good news and bad news. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasnt been feeling well lately.

We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all.

Ready to go home. I started crying when dad was cutting onions. he asked. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.

I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. What do you think?! We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

A group of physicians are duck hunting.

The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun.

To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. 71. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy!

If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. Just remember, a lot can be forgiven when a dirty joke is funny, but you should still not cross the line! The

After failing to divine some deep, hidden meaning, I asked him how he came up with the name. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Medical humor makes a trip to the doctor, an injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for kids.

What do you call a doctor who cant find anything wrong with you? Knock knock jokes are always a crowd favorite.

"Oh, he likes to call the Last Valentine's Day, I arrived at the doctor's office where I work as a receptionist to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package. Kung FLU! Because the paracetamol. iTunes. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. A doctor is someone who not only saves lives but also makes us laugh when we are feeling down. A Sturgeon. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. Nurse: When? "On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?". One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. 'You take my breath away! His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, Im sorry, but you only have ten left. The patient asks him, Ten what, Doc? They run in your jeans! If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. A doctor tells a patient, I have some bad news for you. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. 56. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." If you want to move on from dirty jokes but want to keep the laughs coming, we have more jokes and puns for you! Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? 53. "Doc! One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Measles!" He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, I have a new obstetrician.. Web1. "People come into my office, tell me their Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with questions.

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. 29. Tetanus! What's the bad news?". Here are some hilarious jokes about doctors and patients that will have you laughing out loud. Rectum: Almost killed him 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. Ted: Brace yourself. He runs Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates.

A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. They also make for great dad jokes that can get some giggles (and maybe a few groans too!). This sounds a lot like a date rape. Out of exasperation, I made a joking plea to two of my colleagues, asking them to send me six nurses from each of their hospitals. Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. "My work is so exciting," I said. A harried man runs into his physicians office. A: Just onebut hell have to refer you to an ENT specialist! Guess customers will have to go the DIY way. We can push boundaries and do so much with them.